How being selfish is selfless
Self-care may sound like a selfish concept, but it’s actually the complete opposite.
Caring for yourself is caring for others.
The paradox is crystal clear when we reflect on the way of the world. When those around us are healthy, we are influenced. Consider the phrase “their laugh is contagious,” the same concept occurs on the other end — hurting yourself hurts others.
Untreated mental suffering can result in unemployment, disability, substance abuse, homelessness, suicide, incarceration and generally a poor quality of life, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
It‘s not always obvious that we hurt others by neglecting ourselves, partially because it is not our intention. Hurting others is an unintended consequence of our self-abuse. For those with loved ones who struggle with mental illness, addiction and other difficulties, there is a clear and direct effect on their friends and family.
Suffering is complex, unavoidable and simply part of the human experience. To suffer does not mean to bring down those around us, but to experience ongoing pain. More importantly, the way we prioritize health and wellness as a means to cope with our suffering needs attention. Certain routes are undeniably more healthy in dealing with our suffering as opposed to others.
Prioritizing our physical and mental health, along with our spiritual well-being, encompasses how we can prevent unnecessary suffering. It’s simply heartbreaking we lose people to drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, school shootings, suicide, health conditions — the list goes on – especially because these deaths are preventable. The behaviors we practice impact our future, which interacts with the future of others.
If some of our suffering is unnecessary, why might it be so hard to prevent such situations?
Some have a larger self-care toolbox than others. Not everyone is privileged to have access to all the ways they can become healthier. Not everyone is promised mental or physical health treatment. Not everyone gets to leave a traumatic environment. Our toolboxes are not equal, and while this is a systemic issue, it is not a dead end for individual growth.
Self-care can begin in areas we have control over right now.
Regarding the topic of self-care, my friend Grace believes simplicity can help.
“People think that they need expensive products or to go out and do expensive things for it to really be self-care,” Miccolis said. “Living lavishly has become intertwined with treating yourself and self care. But I don’t think it needs to be that rooted in capitalism.”
GoodRx Health even has a list of 99 Self-Care Activities You Can Try Right Now. While not all of these activities will resolve the excruciating battles humans endure, they are a start to creating the habit of prioritizing your well-being.
We make choices every day that either hinder us or lift us, perhaps there is a neutral area too… but that’s not my point. Making different choices begins with awareness of our behaviors. While the creation of habits is not an overnight task, we shouldn’t be scared of trying.
“When you feel good, you probably treat other people better, and have a more positive outlook on life and are able to be a more productive and kind person in society,” Miccolis said. “So even though people might see it as selfish when you need to take a break or take time for yourself, it’s actually in the long run, probably making you a better person to be around.”
All we can do is try.
“It’s nice to have others take care of you but at the end of the day, I think that is the only person who can really know the best way to take care of you — is you,” Miccolis said.
Loving and respecting yourself is loving and respecting others. Taking care of ourselves, adopting healthy habits and coping skills can prevent us from losing lives and can be avoided with better health and wellness. Untreated trauma and pain can devolve into severe self-neglect and have an impact on those around us and in our community.
