How To Stop Living In The Past
The other day I was organizing my CDs and came across an old video from my fifth-grade class. It was for bully awareness month and although I was eager to watch it and go back in time, I was also petrified to see who I was then.
I couldn’t even finish the video, I was in tears before it ended.
In a lot of ways, the struggles I had in fifth grade are still the same things I struggle with today. Throughout my whole life, I have felt embarrassed about myself.
More than ever though, I have been trying really hard to fight my insecure thoughts and work on believing in myself. It’s a really hard thing to do, but I want to see myself for who I am and all I can be, not for the person I have been treated as and thought to believe.
When I was analyzing my fifth-grade self in the video, the discomfort and insecurity I had that was so visible made me feel like I had not come far at all, as I still struggle with intense feelings of discomfort. I felt as if my fifth-grade self wouldn’t be proud of who she was today. In fact, she would be disappointed that some things stayed the same and other things got worse.
After some tears, sulking, and the help of a friend. I realized despite the expectations I had, and actually, still have for myself, It’s truly an accomplishment that I actually made it to still be alive today. Not even saying that hyperbolically.
Every day is proof of the efforts I have made and continue to do so. I somehow muster up the strength to keep going. Sure as humans we’re programmed to survive, but for a good chunk of us, that programming may be malfunctioning haha.
My fifth-grade self didn’t know life was going to throw even more curve balls. I thought I had experienced the worst of it all. None of us had any idea what was in store for us and all the things that weren’t going to go to plan.
We have all been conditioned a certain way growing up, and some of us have been fed ideas or treated in ways to make us believe we are less than. Every day is a chance to challenge those conditioned beliefs to pursue a greater existence.
Be proud of all you have done, and be proud that you are still here. Just look at all the bull s**t you've gotten through. Life is not easy for anyone, and there really isn’t any warning for it all.
It can be hard to accept the past, as it can sometimes feel like the most shattered mirror. It can also be an opportunity to be grateful and realize that of course there is always room for improvement, but for what situations we were placed in, we ended up being pretty decent people.
We all know what it’s like to be put down or thought of us as less than. In my opinion, this may sound cringe so be ready…I believe there’s a star in all of us. The struggle is working through our traumas and insecurity to shine and be our true selves that is buried beneath our fears.
This kind of stuff doesn’t just happen overnight, it’s a journey. I surround myself with symbols and actual words that inspire me and challenge my insecure and low self-worth thoughts. I wear a bracelet every day that says “ I can do anything”. By my mirror, I have many phrases that are inspiring and confidence-boosting. I got a tattoo of a star to remind me to try and believe in myself.
These are just some examples of what has helped me and they have all contributed to changing my old conditioned ways of thinking. I am literally rewiring my brain. It’s a work in progress, but practicing this mindset helps with actually taking more action, like pushing myself to have a healthy lifestyle and pursuing my dreams.
To be honest, there really is no harm in making yourself a little note with uplifting phrases to put in a place where you’ll see it every day. So I challenge you to make yourself a little reminder of helpful phrases, it can be anything you want, and say them to yourself.
For some ideas, here is mine.
